Rest

Now that I'm back in the Routine of things this whole pandemic things seem challenging yet when I remove myself from what's going on outside myself as a light worker I view things playing out as a movie. Not taking anything in personally and realizing things are beyond My control I can only pray and stay covered prayed up and show up with love. I step away from Everything all of it social media, people, places, thungs, music, television "which is telling you a vision society wants you to believe".  Braking away from every old chain that has held me back just enjoying sleep or solitude. My mama always says she feels I like my alone time. See I'm a person who does love quiet times chill time. I don't like chaos. I have always fought this fear to speak in front of other's. Growing up everything was to be held no one should know your business nor what you were going through I was scared and still till this day being seen or heard. I am still healing and protecting my inner child. I grew up in an Era kids should be seen not heard. It's an intense cycle that comes around for me a fear like an imposter syndrome I flow and when it doesn't feel good I run with no regard to anyone's feelings and that's a wound of feeling hurt and not excepted or bullied. It's a war within me Before my transition in spiritual development and shadow work growth. I look back at times when I was in chaos in toxicity. I felt people just liked to be around me for not who I was ,but at times what I had or what I can give and when I couldn't follow through the abuse would start the talking down too and I learned to shut down and many times show out and my shadow (which I didn't know at time and point ) would come out in vengeance to destroy anyone who tried to hurt me. I would find peace going to church, but at times even there I felt weird energies like everyone was putting on a costume to show face. Deep within fighting something no one else knew about would give testimony yet instead of truly embracing it would feel as if they looked with judgmental eyes. Seeping of darkness. I remember going up on the pool pit for the first time and how nervous I was yet I stood there giving my testimony and the eyes I will never forget all dark nothing of peace was in that room. I'm not going to sit here and sugar coat how I felt. It wasn't a long testimony due to me being nervous. It took one person in that church to clap or say amen that snapped everyone out of this state. What I saw that day and after I never wanted to enter a church again. At that moment and many others during and after prayer I would smell peace fields of flowers and if the holy spirit removed me from set place and placed me in a peaceful state. I learned then that religion was not what I wanted. I wanted and yearned peace I yearned true love and that was spirituality. It was that moment I knew I had to find my inner child, but where and how. That's when I found shadow work, and Rest I found peace, I found Darkness, I've sat and at times as now I sit in the pit of Darkness and go within. Unafraid non judgmental a place of healing and solitude. I have days I don't want to speak to anyone and it's okay. Do I like socializing heck yes I love to chat and find interest in others points of view I love to listen and have conversations. What I don't put up with is rudeness and drama. Wanting to feel superior to another is not cool. I feel we are all beings and should be respected and respectful to others as we should to ourselves thats why it's important to rest, reflect, and restoration.